Before you get too deep into this post, I'll give you fair warning: It's all about me. Instead of reflecting on the fun things I've seen or the places I've gone, I felt the need to take some time tonight to reflect on myself and how I have changed over the last few years into who I am today. Yes, it's a little self indulgent, but hey, it's my own blog and I did warn you!
This last week has been very reflective for me. Whether that was because I found the time to work out every day and had endorphins running through me or because my time here in DC is coming to an end is unclear, all I know is I had quite a few opportunities to see myself in a new light this week. I wrote at the very beginning of this blog that high school freshman Jennifer wouldn't recognize Jennifer today, for many reasons. Not only have I grown up and become more confident and independent, I've found a way to stop worrying about the little things in life that bother me or upset me and instead, just be happy.
Looking back, I was pretty unhappy my first few years of high school, but (and maybe this is a stretch) I feel like a lot of freshmen and sophomores are. You're always worried about who you're friends with and how you look and what people think of you. I worried about all these things like any other fifteen-year-old girl and it took me years to get over this. Maybe it's a part of growing up that we all have to go through and we all outgrow it. I'd like to think I outgrew it sooner rather than later, but I can't say that for sure.
I believe that you can't fully experience joy and happiness until you've felt genuine pain and sadness and in the middle of my high school years, just as I was starting to get over those middle-school insecurities, I did. I know I've led a pretty privileged life; I'm blessed in so many ways. I haven't really faced tragedy or death or trauma in my twenty years of life, but I've known what it means to be hurt and to feel like your world has stopped spinning. I know what it's like to get off the phone and cry for three days straight because just as you thought things were going to work out, everything changed. But I've also known what it's like to have people in your life who will bring you back from that pain and hurt, who will let you cry, then come into your room and hold you until you stop shaking, or meet you at Peachwave on a moment's notice to make you laugh and tell you everything is going to be okay.
Following that sadness, I found joy with my friends, with basketball, and with my life. I found that it didn't really matter who I was friends with, because I knew that the girls I called my friends had my back, no matter what. I didn't care if people thought I was lame because I went to a Tim McGraw concert with my mom and dad, because I know I had way more fun with them than I would have had with anyone else. Once I got to college, I experienced those freshman jitters and played the "I'm-busy-texting-someone-not-sitting-here-by-myself-waiting-for-someone" game my fair share. But, finally, after being on my own and experiencing life as an adult here in DC this summer, I've found that place where I don't want to worry about what people think or how I should feel. It's not worth my time and energy. I'd rather be happy.
There are a lot of negative people in this world and a lot of people have good reasons for that negativity, but for the life of me I can't understand why someone would spend so much energy on being unhappy. In my opinion, it takes way more effort to constantly be thinking about how things could be better than it does to just accept your life the way it is and be grateful for it. Life isn't perfect. Yes, I wish I looked like the Nike models that Health Magazine Instagrams every morning, but I just ran three miles and enjoyed every bite of the peanut butter and nutella sandwich I had for desert. Yes, I wish I had someone to dance with at country concerts and hold my hand as he walks me home at night, but I have friends who will dance with me and make fools of themselves with me long after any guy leaves. Yes, I wish I was going to be home next weekend for my grandma's birthday so all six of my cousins could be in one place for the first time in years, but I'm having an experience that few people are lucky enough to have, living in the nation's capitol, walking past lawmakers on my way to work.
There are things I could easily complain about. If I chose to, I could sit here and complain all day, but I don't, because who wants to be unhappy? Instead, I choose happiness. Trust me, it's a lot more fun!
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